I have not written a blog post in quite some time. Quite a lot has
happened in my life, though that is no excuse. In today, Sunday April 6th,
listening to the morning session of the church's 184th General Conference, I
was inspired to write a new post, to share my story, experience, and testimony.
Back in August 2012, I started dating a
young man whose activity in the church was scarce. As time went on, his church
activity became steadier and by the end of October, we were engaged. After
becoming engaged, both of our church activity began to fade. I became extremely
stressed, feeling like the weight of the world was placed on my shoulders and
that there was no one that could help lift my burden. Then it happened.
I went to my mom's ward one day, after
much pleading on her part. It was a fast and testimony Sunday in March of 2013.
I remember zoning in and out, having been used to the Single Adults wards where
sacrament was so quiet you could hear the sacrament cups drop. My attention
snapped to the pulpit where the Bishop's two oldest daughters bore their
testimonies.
The older one, having only been about ten
years old, never have I heard such touching testimonies. The youngest, having
recently been baptized, spoke of her experience in the Temple ,
and how grateful that she had parents who loved her enough to teach her about
the Temple and
it's importance to their family. It was in that moment, out of the mouth of an
8 year old, that I realized that I was on the wrong path.
Just a few months earlier, I had met
someone in my ward who had also been engaged. We had become friends with the
idea of planning our weddings together. Shortly after, she had realized that
her relationship was not going in the direction that she needed to go. Heavenly
Father works in mysterious ways because after that Fast and Testimony meeting,
I quickly set up a time to sit with my friend and discuss why it was that she
had called of her engagement.
Though this time was taken at a local
McDonalds, it was one of the most important and most memorable McDonalds trips
ever. After our discussion, I met up with my then fiancé and had a heart-to
heart- with him. There was no doubt in my mind that I did love him. However, we were making each
other become people we really weren't. The quote "If you love something,
let it go" holds very true for the situation I was in. He told me that he
could not promise me a Temple
marriage, something that he knew from the beginning that I wanted, and eventually
had lost sight of. So, we parted ways, so that we could each find someone who
we could be ourselves with.
Now, I'm not writing this to get sympathy
or as a "woe is me", but hopefully as a tool.
I was devastated with my decision, but
knew it was the right thing to do. Each and every day, I prayed to God,
thanking Him. Not that I was grateful to be out of the relationship, but grateful
to have had the Holy Spirit come to me and tell me I was not on the correct
path; that I was grateful for this trial. I remember praying "Thank thee,
for this trial. Though I am in much pain, and sorrow, and I'm not sure why, I
am grateful for this. Please help me through this."
In today's morning session of General
Conference, many spoke of our trials. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf stated
"Faith looks beyond the trials of today." I knew that eventually, the
pain would fade, and I would be stronger because of this trial. One of the
other Elders of the Church sated that though the trial, we need to pray to
learn and grow from it, rather than wishing it was over. I can testify of this
truth.
I prayed fervently with "a broken
heart and contrite spirit" every day, hoping to learn, grow, and to have
peace through this trial. I had learned a lot, such as who my real friends
were, who I am and how God listens and answers our prayers. I knew the healing process
was going to take time, but with help from my Brother, Jesus Christ, and my
Heavenly Father, the process was much faster than I had expected.
The date that was supposed to be our
wedding date came, and I had arranged for a group of friends to go out dancing.
By the end of the night, I had been given the strength and healing I had been
praying for. I knew that I could be sad and let it pull be down, and my life
would go on without me. Or, I could get up, dust myself off and keep going with
my life. I had chosen the latter.
About a month later, I met my boyfriend,
who had his own trial in love. I don't know about his side of the story, but
for me, I believe he was my blessing from God for sticking to my faith and
listening to His guidance. We celebrated our 9 month anniversary yesterday, and
I am so very grateful, not only for his presence in my life, but for the
testimony of that little 8 year old girl that changed my life forever.
God hears our prayers and though, things
don't always turn out the way we expect them too, he knows what is best for us.
And even when we are so far off the path, that we are lost, he will still send
help, to bring you back onto the path back to Him.
I testify that he loves me, and he loves
you, no matter how far off the path you are. His love is unconditional.
He helped me through my hardest trial to
date, let Him help you.
<3 Crafty Orange (A Daughter of a King)